Manager Infos

Recently I wrote an article on the benefits of joining your local Chamber of Commerce as a way of getting exposure for your business. See “Marketing on the Cheap: Join The What?” at this source or at http://sbmag.org. The Chamber of Commerce is or should be the number one organization in your area promoting business. Your involvement will help them indirectly help your business while giving you direct exposure to a large and viable market.

Now let’s look at other organizations you, your business and, of course, your community can benefit from by your involvement, but not in that order.

Service Clubs: There are three major service clubs that come to mind, and I’m sure you are familiar with them to some degree already: Rotary International, Kiwanis International and Lions International.

However, don’t just run off and join the largest club in your area just because it’s the one that gets the most media coverage. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t be joining a service club at all for the sole purposes of promoting your business. You should be joining because it is the right thing to do. The benefits, and there will be benefits, will come indirectly.

Each of the above mentioned organizations have a main charity or area of interest as a national or worldwide project. Lions International for example is recognized worldwide for their service to the blind and visually impaired. Kiwanis’ motto is “Serving the Children of the World”, and Rotary has had as a long-term goal of the worldwide eradication of polio. Of course, all these organizations are many years old and have branched out into a number of other humanitarian efforts as well. Beyond the national organization’s each local club usually has their own projects and objectives.

Fraternal Organizations: Now that you have joined the Chamber of Commerce and are looking at service clubs, you may also want to consider Fraternal Organizations. The first three that come to mind are: The Benevolent & Protective Order of Elks, Moose International and Fraternal Order of Eagles. Like service clubs, all three of these organizations are national or international with local clubs. However, also like service clubs, there may me others or an independent fraternal organization in your area that is more suited for you and your interests.

Years ago I joined a new Rotary club that just started up in our community. They were, and still are, a great group of people. Their main efforts on the local front was dealing with youth orientated projects, helping to build ball parks, sponsoring scholarships and a few other very worthwhile causes, but no causes I was passionate about. A friend of mine was involved with a group of people that were trying to start a local organization to deal directly with funding anti-drug programs in local schools. My wife being a teacher in the local district, made that seem like a much better place for me to put my efforts. We went on and founded a new Lions Club in which I became a founding officer, a Past President, Lion of the Year and recipient of a national award form Lions International in recognition of my efforts in the fight against drugs. This only happened because I chose the right organization with which to get involved.

I’m not telling you this story just to blow my own horn. Okay, well maybe a little bit. My point is that if you do chose to be a joiner, make it count. Choose one that will give you opportunities of working on projects in which you have an interest.

Once you join a service club or a fraternal organization, get involved! Become active. Consider chairing a committee or becoming part of the leadership. However, don’t take on more then you can or want to do. If you make a commitment, make sure you follow through and do the very best job you can. Anything short of that could produce negative public relations for you.

One last thing about belonging to a service club or fraternal organization; your acceptance into one of these organizations is not invitation to unload or launch into a sales pitch at every meeting or at any meetings for that matter. Don’t make that mistake. However, there may be opportunities arise for direct marketing such as advertising at club-sponsored events, program guides, newsletters and others. We covered a number of these opportunities in “Marketing On The Cheap: Join The What?”, see link above.

No permission is needed to reproduce an unedited copy of this article as long the About The Author tag is left in tact and hot links included. We do request that we be informed of where it is posted so reciprocal links can be considered. Email floyd@sbmag.org

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Floyd Snyder is the founder and former owner of Executive Advertising, Camera Ready Art and Strictly Business Magazine. Currently he is the owner of Strictly Business Magazine at http://www.sbmag.org, http://www.FrameHouseGallery.com, http://www.educationresourcesnetwork.com/and http://www.TraderAide.com.

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Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.

CANOODLING WITH A CANUCK IN A CANOE?

–Or, Welcome to Climax, Saskatchewan!

Canada is a pretty straight-laced, peaceful place, where seldom is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day, except for eleven and a half months of the year affectionately called “winter”, (when everyone goes inside for a break from the bugs, barking dogs, or far too many exposed bosoms and buttocks — euphemistically referred to as “bare essentials”).

So, one might casually ask … if the deer and antelope are out prancing about on the back forty, while the beaver are bustling about making dams all day long, and the blessed birds are freezing their little tails off busking for a living in downtown Toronto …what pray tell are the citizens of this fine country doing to have a good time (besides playing hockey …or hooky as the case may be)?

Well, judging from the pleasantly playful yet provocative placenames dotting the deepfreeze landscape called Canada, perhaps the reader will be able judge just what pastimes pique the curiosity of a Canuck.

– Ass Hill (Newfoundland)
– Bareneed (Newfoundland)
– Bath (New Brunswick)
– Begin (Quebec)
– Beamsville, Ontario
– Belly River (Alberta)
– Big Bras d’Or (Nova Scotia)
– Billy Butts Pond (Newfoundland)
– Blissville (New Brunswick)
– Bonanza (Alberta)
– Buttonville (Ontario)
– Carrying Place (Ontario)
– Chance Harbour (Nova Scotia)
– Chase (British Columbia)
– Cherryville (British Columbia)
– Come-By-Chance (Newfoundland)
– Comfort Cove (Newfoundland)
– Community Punch Bowl (Alberta)
– Conception Harbour (Newfoundland)
– Conquest (Saskatchewan)
– Crotch Lake (Ontario)
– Cruise Lake (Ontario)
– Cupids (Newfoundland)
– Curve Lake (Ontario)
– Dipper Harbour (Newfoundland)
– Dixville (Quebec)
– Ebb and Flow (Manitoba)
– Exploits River (Newfoundland)
– Fascination Mountain (British Columbia)
– Fanny Bay (British Columbia)
– Fertile (Saskatchewan)
– Finger (Manitoba)
– Flat Top (Yukon Territories)
– Forget (Saskatchewan)
– Fortune (Newfoundland)
– Freedom (Alberta)
– Fruitvale (British Columbia)
– Funnybone Lake (Ontario)
– Fox Roost (Newfoundland)
– Gander (Newfoundland)
– Good Neighbour Peak (Yukon Territories)
– Grande Entrée (Québec)
– Ha! Ha! Baie des (Québec)
– Halfmoon Bay (British Columbia)
– Halfway Point (Newfoundland)
– Happy Adventure (Newfoundland)
– Happy Valley-Goose Bay (Newfoundland)
– Happyland (Ontario)
– Havelock (Quebec)
– Heart’s Content (Newfoundland)
– Heart’s Delight (Newfoundland)
– Heart’s Desire (Newfoundland)
– Holdfast (Saskatchewan)
– Honey Harbour (Ontario)
– Hooker Mountain (British Columbia)
– Hooping Harbour (Newfoundland)
– Hope (British Columbia)
– Kinkora (Prince Edward Island)
– Lady Slipper (Prince Edward Island)
– Lapland (Nova Scotia)
– Leading Tickles (Newfoundland)
– Liberty (Saskatchewan)
– Likely (British Columbia)
– Little Seldom (Newfoundland)
– Lively (Ontario)
– Love (Saskatchewan)
– Lucifer Mountain (Alberta)
– Lucky Lake (Saskatchewan)
– Lucky Man (Saskatchewan)
– Lulu Island (British Columbia)
– Lushes Bight (Newfoundland)
– Ma-Me-O Beach (Alberta)
– Manyberries (Alberta)
– Meat Cove (Nova Scotia)
– Mermaid (Prince Edward Island)
– Middlesex (Ontario)
– Mink Cove (Nova Scotia)
– Monkland (Ontario)
– Moonbeam (Ontario)
– Newbliss (Ontario)
– Nipawin (Saskatchewan)
– Nipissing (Ontario)
– Nippers Harbour (Newfoundland)
– Nojack (Alberta)
– Nottawa (Ontario)
– Nun’s Island (Prince Edward Island & Quebec)
– Nuttby (Nova Scotia)
– Overflowing River (Manitoba)
– Paradise Point (Ontario)
– Peel (Ontario)
– Pilot Butte (Saskatchewan)
– Pilot Mound (Manitoba)
– Pincher (Alberta)
– Pitt Meadows (British Columbia)
– Pleasantville (Ontario)
– Plenty (Saskatchewan)
– Plum Point (Newfoundland)
– Precious Corners (Ontario)
– Punkeydoodles Corners (Ontario)
– Rapid City (Manitoba)
– Resolute (Nunavut)
– Rosebud (Alberta)
– Rough Top (Yukon Territories)
– Sackville (Nova Scotia)
– St. Jones Within, St. Jones Without (Newfoundland)
– Saint Noel (Québec)
– Sandy Hook (Manitoba)
– Seldom (Newfoundland)
– Sexsmith (Alberta)
– Shag Harbour (Nova Scotia)
– Skookumchuck (British Columbia)
– Smuts (Saskatchewan)
– Snug Haven (Ontario)
– South Dildo (Newfoundland)
– Stag Harbour (Newfoundland)
– Starbuck (Manitoba)
– Star City (Saskatchewan)
– Stupendous Mountain (British Columbia)
– Success (Saskatchewan)
– Sugar Loaf (Nova Scotia)
– Sweet Bay (Newfoundland)
– Sweetland (Nova Scotia)
– Thumb Island (Northwest Territories)
– Tickle Beach, Tickle Cove, Tickle Harbour (Newfoundland)
– Tidal (Manitoba)
– Tiger Lily (Alberta)
– Toogood Arm (Newfoundland)
– Twin Butte (Alberta)
– Unity (Saskatchewan)
– Virgin Arm (Newfoundland)
– Washabuck Centre (Nova Scotia)
– Welcome (Ontario)
– Whim Road (Prince Edward Island)
– Wild Bight, Wild Cove (Newfoundland)
– Winkler (Manitoba)
– Zero Lake (Ontario)
– Zippermouth Lake (British Columbia)

Now, having perused this picturesque placename list, put your imagination on hold for a moment.

Never ever ask a Canadian where they’re from; they adore keeping strangers in the dark (along with other things like mother-in-laws, monster mashers and mushrooms). Stop fretting and just remember — there’s a fun-loving, party animal lurking somewhere beneath that thick skin, fur coat, and titillating tail!

So get on your sparkly duds and dancing shoes, crank up the mood music, and fire-up the microwave for a platter of McCain’s latest piquant-flavored Pizza-Pops!

And if a Canuck should ever invite you for a ride in a canoe …bring along an extra paddle, a box of popcorn and don’t forget to say “Cheese please!” (before snapping the unforgettable photo of that smart-looking Sasquatch!)

About the Author

Theolonius McTavish, a kilted Celt with an aversion to bombastic bagpipe players, Blarney Stone kissers and boisterous beer drinkers, hangs his Tam O’Shanter on a happy hook at The Quipping Queen when he’s not tossing cabers (tree trunks)and compliments (terse titillations) for a living.

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1. “Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer - and so would the average lawyer.”
   – Grace Allen (Gracie)

2. “It’s foolish to bet on a horse without talking to him first. I know it seems silly to ask a horse who’s going to win a race - but it’s no sillier than asking anyone else.”
   – Grace Allen (Gracie)

3. “Build a better mousetrap than your neighbour and Kraft Cheese will beat a path to your door.”
   – Grace Allen (Gracie)

4. “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”
   – George Burns

5. “Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.”
   – George Burns

6. “For forty years my act consisted of one joke. And then she died.”
   – George Burns

7. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring close-knit family in another city.”
   – George Burns

8. “Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.”
   – George Burns

9. “Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.”
   – Johnny Carson

10. “Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.”
    – Johnny Carson

11. “Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.”
    – Johnny Carson

12. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food.”
    – Johnny Carson

13. “The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.”
    – Johnny Carson

14. “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”
    Bill Cosby

15. “”Don’t worry about senility,” my grandfather used to say. “When it hits you, you won’t know it.”"
    Bill Cosby

16. “Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.”
    Bill Cosby

17. “Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”
    Bill Cosby

18. “I wasn’t always black… There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.”
    Bill Cosby

19. “Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.”
    Bill Cosby

20. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
    – Rita Rudner

21. “I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.”
    – Rita Rudner

22. “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
    – Rita Rudner

23. “I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.”
    – Rita Rudner

24. “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”
    – Rita Rudner

25. “Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, “Are we going to have sex again?” He said, “Yes, but not with each other.”"
    – Rita Rudner

26. “I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.”
    – Jerry Seinfeld

27. “No face, mouth open … that is how the drug companies see the public.”
    – Jerry Seinfeld

28. “On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - ‘Do not attempt to fly!’”
    – Jerry Seinfeld

29. “People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.”
    – Jerry Seinfeld

30. “The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.”
    – Jerry Seinfeld

31. “Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”
    – Steven Wright

32. “I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had to buy them again.”
    – Steven Wright

33. “I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
    – Steven Wright

34. “If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?”
    – Steven Wright

35. “Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”"
    – Steven Wright

Resource Box - © Danielle Hollister (2005) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine
- A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more; plus freebies and links to related resources. All new subscribers get one free ad. Read it - http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp

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Yesterday I had the pleasure of speaking at Rutgers University in front of around 150 high school students, which was a lot better than speaking behind them. The subject was humor columns, so it goes without saying that walruses came up multiple times. I mean, so many times that I completely lost track. Like, at least seven times. As is evident from my enthusiasm, I felt proud to include walruses because they are left out of so many aspects of society: sleep-overs, camping trips, and even games of Monopoly, which is a shame because I think they’d be pretty good at it…

But then it happened. When the speech ended, I was approached by a girl who told me that her friend did not know what a walrus was. My immediate thought was that maybe she was kidding. She had to be, right? I mean, these are walruses we’re talking about here, not some unpopular animal like a dog or a cat. But she was not kidding at all, so I needed to resort to explaining characteristics of a walrus:

They’re like seals but with fangs, I first told her.

And they have whiskers, I added, and they are really heavy and live in the water.

But she still was not familiar with it, despite my very vivid details. In retrospect, maybe I should have mentioned that a walrus is a lot like Toys ‘R Us but with an incorrectly spelled wall replacing the toys. However, I don’t know if that would have worked either. Alas, she walked away telling me that she would look it up on Google. While I am glad she will finally get her answer as to the definition of a walrus, and will hopefully even get to see a walrus wearing a dress, it makes me think that none of us — and I do mean none of us — have done our job of correctly promoting walruses…

So with that, I plan to change everything. And I don’t mean that I will convert all of my dollars into quarters; I mean that I will do whatever I can to inform people of the past, present and future of walruses. I will tell them of their many purposes: opening cans, playing whisker violins and even serving as very large paper weights for when a rock simply won’t cut it. A year from now, or maybe even tomorrow, I want to be able to stand at a random street corner — preferably one where there is no crime taking place — and yell out “walrus!” and someone will yell back to me that a walrus would be a great letter opener or that a walrus could be a state senator if not for its inability to speak, or sign documents, or use ATM machines, among other minor technicalities…

And when all is said and done, if one walrus comes up to me to shake my hand and thank me, then I will know my time has been well spent…

But I digress.

Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, “Progressive Revelations,” has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)

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Patience may be a virtue, but laughter is the only way to survive goat milking. You can strive for the perfect fencing. You must aim for good nutrition. But, don’t kid yourself. When it comes to milking, you do not get the last word.

When I decided to add milk goats to my backyard farm I envisioned pitchers of milk cooling in the fridge while cheddar rounds age in my cellar. Spirit, my first nanny, had other ideas. There is an old saying I just made up: “Don’t expect instant gratification from your very first dairy goat lactation.” Like dating, expecting nothing is the first step toward not being let down. Perseverance is the next step toward surviving goats with your sanity moderately intact.

Spirit proved mutinous in milking. Even with twins at her side, she had ample milk to share. Generosity was simply not her forte. However, like falling off a bike or getting thrown from your horse, when you find a goat leg lodged in your right ear, you must climb right back on. To help other potential farmers deal with inevitable frustration, I have provided the following journal. It documents my first full month of milking Spirit. From this draw hope. There is light at the end of the nipple.

Day 1: Leashed goat runs around tie post kicking and bucking. Never got near the teat.

Day 2: Build “EZ One Hour Goat Milking Stand” from online instructions. Define five hours in hell.

Day 3: Adjust Goat Milking Stand so goat’s big fat head will fit through the stocks into the feed box.

Day 4: Adjust Goat Milking Stand so goat’s skinny little head will not retreat from feed box out through the stocks.

Day 5: Collect 3.5 tsp. milk from flailing goat on milking stand.

Day 6: Ditto.

Day 7: Tether goat’s leg. Goat kicks loose in .3 seconds.

Day 8: Tether goat’s leg better. Goat kicks loose dumping over 3.5 tsp. of milk.

Day 9: Try new tethering technique. Collect entire ounce of milk. Goat’s effort to kick loose succeeds only after she sheds 3.5 tsp. of hair into the shot glass of milk.

Day 10: Go to store. Buy milk.

Day 11 - 14: Discouraged. Just squirt some milk straight onto the milking stand so that the apparently dwindling right teat stays active.

Day 15: Goat now standing still while I collect three ounces of milk. Then the cantankerous witch sticks her foot in it.

Day 16 - 18: Ditto, ditto and ditto.

Day 19: Right teat has all but vanished.

Day 20: Right teat empty.

Day 21: Spirit’s legal team serves me with papers declaring her functional left teat off limits and for her babies only.

Day 22 - 23: Practice milking technique while coaxing droplets from withered right teat.

Day 24: Have mastered milking with right hand while my left hand holds the receptacle up, dodging the maniacal wenches attempts put her foot in the milk. Net bounty from flat tit approx 1.4 oz. Note: Goat still shedding.

Day 25-26: Milk rations slightly increasing. Goat and cottonwood trees now both shedding into the milk receptacle.

Day 27: Babies distract me by biting my shirt while I am milking. Spirit’s foot returns to the milk receptacle.

Day 28: Babies adamant about eating my clothes while I milk. I steal milk from their precious left teat.

Day 29: Babies try to distract me by eating my hair. I try to ignore them. Goat flinches. My foot avoider reflex overcompensates, hurling the milk directly inside my protective LASIK goggles. Startled by my French, both babies run off in opposite directions with my hair still in their mouths.

Day 30: And the beat goes on.

Day 31: Average daily yield now totals around 10 oz. Source: two milkings per day from 1.2 tits.

Remember, when the day comes, and it will, where you just walk up to your nanny and quickly squirt a little milk straight into your morning coffee then wander off sobbing, bear in mind with a little patience, all this can be yours. Oh boy!

Satirist Nola L. Kelsey is the author of Bitch Unleashed: The Harsh Realities of Goin’ Country & coauthor of the wicked political/self-help, satire Keeping the Masses Down. Both are available everywhere fun books are sold. More of Nola’s work may be read at: http://www.NolaKelsey.com

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Local author J. Peter Yakel has released a hilarious fiction tale with roots to a number of localities and landmarks about New York’s Capitaland area. Notable places mentioned in the comedy adventure include the towns of Berne, Knox, Westerlo, Cambridge, Cobleskill and Greenville, as well as Albany and Schoharie counties. In addition, the well-worn paths of Delaware Turnpike and Route 85, the fine hunting grounds of Partridge Run, and the prominent ’stone wall’ of Westerlo weave their way into the pages of the book as well. Says the author, “People write about what they know. My capital district roots are deep and they stretch back more than 150 years, so choosing to include parts of our local geography in the story was a natural extension of how I conceived the development of The Legend of Juggin Joe.”

The author describes his story as an over-the-top adventure with a special twist. Not only is it tied to Capitaland, but his unconventional writing style gives the book its unique flair. “The entire story is written in my own brand of ‘country-speak’. I’ve never seen or read a book written anything like it, which is part of the reason why I chose to create it. The great thing about the dialogue is that it makes the adventure so much fun to read, and it actually draws readers into the story.”

Yakel concedes that, for some readers, the Juggin Joe story may only be a lightweight outlet for laughter. He’s fine with that - after all, it is a humor book…But the self-published author adds, “There’s a lot bubbling just below the surface of Westerlo’s topsoil. Scratch the surface of this country knee-slapper, and you’ll quickly see what I mean.”

The book tells the story of how a mischievous boy, born and bred in the close-knit town of Westerlo, acquires the musical gift of jug blowing, and quickly rockets to international celebrity as “Juggin Joe”. Unfortunately, his iconic rise to music stardom is stymied by the shared sorrow he and his forbidden love interest, Florentine, endure. Her daddy, (who is also the town Parson), disapproves of the fledgling courtship and disallows it. Saddled with heartache bigger’n the Heldebergs, Joe walks away from his brilliant music career, and joins the Federal Army. Shipped overseas, the young man loses the relative safety of home and family for which he cares so much. Almost as quickly, Fate steps in and brings the music star-turned-soldier face-to-face with the most powerful man on the planet. With his superiors caught in a seemingly hopeless entertainment bind, Joe offers his juggin talents. In short order, he’s back in the spotlight, whoopin’ it up for the Commander-in-Chief. Afterward, a discussion between the straight talking country boy and his President has the effect of altering the global balance of power!

International reviews of the book have been strong and positive, says Yakel. He adds, “I am particularly pleased with the review of Viviane Crystal (www.crystalreviews.com), who said, ‘…this writer who has created a unique style of “country speak” dialogue and storytelling that is quaint and entertaining without the need for the raging dysfunctional status besetting so much of contemporary fiction.’ Her read of the book was spot-on. I hope more people enjoy the humor of Juggin Joe, especially my friends and neighbors around Capitaland.”

The Legend of Juggin Joe (ISBN 1-4116-2588-9) is available for purchase on the world-wide-web, by logging onto: http://www.lulu.com/yakel or by visiting the following Capitaland NY stores: Borders of Colonie, Borders of Clifton Park; The Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza; or I Love Books, Inc. of Delmar.

J. Peter Yakel is a freelance writer and author of three books. His articles have appeared in publications such as Communications Technology, The Pipeline, and Army Reserve Magazine. Joe’s works have also been highlighted on USAWOA Online, USAR Online, and other Internet websites.

For free book chapter previews, visit: http://www.lulu.com/yakel

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What if Bird Flu was cognizant of our fears and what if it knew it must modify itself slightly along the N5H1 strain to infect humans and then changes it self slightly to grow and infect more human hosts? What if Bird Flu, the human strain was engineered by micro-Biologists to grow into a pandemic to limit human population growth and force people into their homes, so it would be easier to control them?

What if the powers that be decided this would be the best way to keep control of the populations of the world? What if Bird Flu was listening to the growing public relations ploy to scare the masses then simply waiting for the correct time to start a pandemic?

What if it was already released into migratory birds and they are simply waiting until it starts its run like influenza does every year? What if they all know something we do not? What if the guy at the coffee shop, the local conspiracy theorist is really onto something? Maybe this time he is right and that Bird Flu is waiting and it is listening in on us and maybe there is a reason why nothing has happened yet?

Maybe, just maybe that guy who we all think is nuts, is actually onto something? As I listened to just such a conspiracy theorist today over coffee, I thought, wow, now that story is for the birds indeed? Or is that story for us to keep us in fear? Think on it.

“Lance Winslow” - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/wttbbs/

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The fairy tale existance of Google is starting to experience shockwaves.

So, what’s the source of these shockwaves? Click fraud. As my readers know, I’ve written several articles on the subject of click fraud, suggesting that since it’s the market leader, Google should take a more proactive approach with the problem of click fraud.

Until now, Google has been mostly quiet about the subject, issuing this single statement to the Securities and Exchange Commission:

“We are exposed to the risk of fraudulent clicks on our ads. We have regularly paid refunds related to fraudulent clicks and expect to do so in the future. If we are unable to stop this fraudulent activity, these refunds may increase. If we find new evidence of past fraudulent clicks, we may have to issue refunds retroactively of amounts previously paid to our Google Network members.”

So, why isn’t Google doing more about click fraud? In one of my articles, I theorized that with the amount of money involved, it’s actually more cost effective for Google to issue an occasional refund to its advertisers, than to develop technology to eliminate click fraud.

That theory was echoed in a recent article, in which the author wrote:

“Google’s primary defense against click fraud has been to refund advertisers their money if they complain and Google sees evidence that fraudulent clicks have occured. The problem with this is that the burden of proof is on the advertiser … and Google knows that most advertisers will not take the time to argue. Therefore, Google has a financial incentive not to deal with click fraud on their own. It not only costs them to deal with the problem but if they do find a solution to stopping click fraud … it will cost Google much more when they don’t get paid for 20 percent or more of their clicks.”

However, all of that may be about to change. At an investor conference last Wednesday, Google CFO George Reyes stated:

“I think something has to be done about this really, really quickly, because I think, potentially, it threatens our business model.”

My question is this: What took Google so long to come to that realization? It’s not like click fraud just magically appeared yesterday. The media has been reporting on the problem for at least the last 3 years.

Smug in its ivory tower, did Google think the problem was just going to go away by itself? Or was it waiting for Overture or one of the smaller pay-per-click companies to solve the problem, so it wouldn’t have to deal with it?

These are troubling questions, to say the least. Even more troubling is Google’s passive approach to a serious problem, which in my opinion has been reprehensible.

It should be interesting to see what Google’s next move is. Google CFO George Reyes statement notwithstanding, I’ll believe Google is serious about eliminating click fraud, when I finally see it!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dean Phillips is an Internet marketing expert, writer,
publisher and entrepreneur. Questions? Comments? Dean can be
reached at mailto: dean@lets-make-money.net
Visit his website at: http://www.lets-make-money.net

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Why Testicles? By John Sammon

There are certain parts of the human body I just can’t figure out.

For example, testicles, you know, the little round reproductive spheres men have.

Why testicles?

What do they do?

If you’re a woman, the best way I can describe it…it’s like having an octopus right under your male organ.

These things move and look, just like an octopus.

They are very loose and flexible, and like an octopus, they float around. Some times they’re in front of your closed legs, sometimes behind. Sometimes, half in front, half in back.

You can take your hand and switch them, place them further behind you, for example, as you lay in bed.

They hang down and trail behind you every where you go, bobbing from side to side. It’s like having an old worn-out catcher’s mitt down there. These things are very sensitive, and I rarely enjoy reaching down and feeling them.

Perhaps I’m afraid that what I might feel, for some unexplained reason, might not feel quite right. I just don’t enjoy feeling those, and most men are like me. It’s kind of like the dark side of the moon. You just don’t go there.

Women, on the other hand, have everything neatly packed inside.

You have two of these balls, just like you mostly have two of everything else. Two hands, two feet, two ears, two nipples, two shoulders, two. Why always two?

But it’s not always two of everything.

You’ve only got one chin. There are exceptions.

Because testicles are so sensitive, they make me cringe a lot thinking of what could happen if….

For example if a mule kicked me there. Or somebody grabbed me there with pliers.

Only men have these thoughts.

Another body part I can’t figure out are eyebrows.

Two tiny strips of hair over your eyes?

If this was originally intended as shade on a hot day, we got gypped.

Why eyebrows? And once again, like everything else, you’ve got two. Do we need one extra as a backup?

If I shaved my eyebrows, I would look pretty strange. As if having two narrow strips of hair over your eyes isn’t strange?

Sometimes women paint fake eyebrows with paint on their foreheads when they don’t have enough hair.

Eyebrows have one solitary distinction. They are the only hair located somewhere else other than your head that is considered attractive (not counting beards and mustaches). Hair hanging out your nose, hair on your ears, hair on your back, are all considered gross.

Hair growing out of an ugly mole on your neck is the same.

Hair, to be desirable, is just like real estate. It’s location, location, location.

© Copyright 2004 by SammonSays.com

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Meeting in Washington, Prime Minister Tony Blair and President Bush took to the podium to admit that everything in Iraq has not unfolded as they had hoped but the President insisted, “We’ve learned from our mistakes, and, if the past is any indication, we will continue to make them.”

Prime Minister Blair added, “And you can be absolutely certain that we will continue to learn from them.”

Mr. Blair also commented on his trip to Baghdad, saying, “I came away thinking the challenge is still immense, but the food there is already better than in London, and I consider that a real sign of hope, not only for the rejuvenation of Iraqi society but as an inspiration to our own chefs to start reading cookbooks.”

President. Bush stated that, while he regrets the abuse by U. S. troops at the Abu Ghraib prison, those responsible had been given prison sentences themselves, however, not at Abu Ghraid. He noted that such justice would never have occurred under Saddam Hussein, because American troops would not have been there in the first place.

Bush also said he regretted some of the comments he made early in the war, such as his now legendary taunt to the terrorists, “bring it on.”

“I think in certain parts of the world it was misinterpreted,” the President said, “but now I’ve learned how to express myself in a more sophisticated way. Today I might have said something like, ‘Please, step onto the rifle range.’”

Meanwhile, as if to taunt them, Osama Bin Laden immediately released another audiotape, in which he responded to their announcement, saying, “I made some mistakes, too, and, as my years away from the comforts of wealth, like flowing silk robes and shish kabob made with prime lamb meat, mount up, I’m beginning to think my first mistake is that I permitted myself to be born. Since it’s too late to remedy that, I assume that I, too, will continue to make mistakes, so catch me if you can.”

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV. Critics have called his writing “”delightfully funny” and “witty” with “good, genuine laughs.”

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